I have always been just a little bit paranoid about my own mortality. Because, unlike the women in my family, the men, just die younger, much much younger than the women – maybe by a difference of a decade or two. So now that I’m almost nearing 40 and every time my body bogs down and gets sick – like what happened last week – it makes me wonder more about my mortality and how much time I’ve left to enjoy the bounties of this earth!
It was the second time I got sick this year and there was nothing very interesting about it except that I just felt really tired – fatigued. Nothing that sleep and a few pills did not cure immediately. But I went for years in my early 30s without getting sick and now that I’m a bit older, I get sick twice in a matter of months. Maybe just the body’s warning to me to watch my diet, or not to overextend myself too much or find ways to release the stress. I do want to have a chance to reach 60 and see Laura and Dylan way into their adulthood so the time for being careful has really begun. But the body is always a traitor so even with caution, I have added the attitude of just being ready, just in case, and living my daily life as best as I could – which is never easy – because there are good days and there are bad days. And I would hate to go out on a good day!
Fear of death is a good thing because it makes me more conscious about how I live my life. I’m appreciating each moment now that I’m healthy – doing things I really enjoying doing, going back to basic things that make me happy, and just being myself and acting my age. There are maybe around 5 major things in my list left to do so I’ll be working on those as I go. If I do reach 50, I would’ve trumped Papa by 1 year, and that would be ok! Let’s just hope I go further, the previous generation of Fabe men just left too early and I hope our generation changes that!
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