FATHER’S DAY MEMOIR

            Why is it that when you know that it is most likely the last time a person will celebrate an event with you, you make it as memorable as you can? Why not celebrate every occasion, or better yet, expend every effort you can in making every event a memorable one? As my favorite niece always says, “you never know”.

            Yes, indeed, we will never know if we will still be here tomorrow to celebrate another event. If we are here, are we still able to celebrate? Will we still have the means to celebrate the occasion?

Celebrating is not spending too much money. In fact, the most memorable Father’s Day celebration was the cheapest because the event was celebrated at home.

Previous celebrations were always done outside his house. We either eat in a restaurant we have not eaten before, mainly Chinese restaurants because he loved Chinese foods, or we have a swimming party. Sometimes, we just go to the mall with Dad and shop things for him. It was almost as if it has become, not necessarily routine, but because we do not want him to feel left out, or to feel self-pity. .

That last time we did it because we wanted to say and to let him feel that he is very much valued and important to us, and that we love him so much. We wanted to tell him that here is your family loving you back, the family that you protected and loved totally, and worked very hard for, the family that you were always proud of.

 That time, my father can no longer go out of the house. It was even an effort for him to go out of his bedroom. Yet, he made the extreme effort of going out to the dining room if only to blow the candles on his Father’s Day cake that was bought by all his grandchildren after pooling their allowances. Even the little kids contributed whatever remained of their meager allowances just so it can be said that they also contributed to grandfather’s Father’s Day cake.

            All his grandchildren gathered around him and sang him a Father’s Day song to the music of the song, Happy Birthday. Then they kissed their grandfather and all wished him to get well soon and to play with them again. After a while, he asked to be brought back to his bedroom because he wanted to lie down again and rest.

            Four months after the celebration, he passed away. Even if we knew already that his illness is no longer curable – he had to undergo peritoneal dialysis three times a day – and the medical doctors said that  living for nearly three years after the kidneys has stopped functioning is almost a miracle at his age, it still served as a shock for us. We were still not prepared.  Nor will we ever be prepared.

His last words the night before he died were uttered to me. He told me to take care.  How my sister envied me because it was only when I was at his side that he opened his eyes and told me to take care.

            How I cried when after the funeral, I opened his wallet and the first thing that I saw was my picture with him taken when we were in Tagaytay. It was in the very prominent part of his wallet. My mom’s picture was only second in prominence.  That time I knew and confirmed that I am the most loved and his favorite.

            Last Sunday, Father’s Day, we went to Manila Memorial Park in Cavite to visit him in his resting place. While praying the rosary, I cannot help but reminisce about the wonderful things we did together.

 He would sometimes surprise me by visiting  me at school when I was still in elementary. He would buy me things I like in the canteen and at the bookstore. He would even ask permission from the principal to take me out for lunch so we can eat at Victoria Peak.

            Every Friday or Saturday afternoon, he would take my brother and I to a restaurant near our house called Merienda Corner and treat us to hamburgers and egg pie. Then he would take us to a grocery and buy what we want and need.

            How I wish I can bring back my father.   

How I wished that he didn't die that way

            I was a self-confessed youtube addict. Most of my friends around the sites that I’ve signed up for came from youtube. I’ve developed a strong attachment to my youtube site after I met my phoneline friend, I only knew him by the name that he had given me, I don’t know if it was his real name, but I call him Wynnie, after my favorite Hotel. He has this high sense of creativity, and yet, so underrated. I’ve seen how far he would go just to get what he really wants. And one of the things that always bring me back to him was his ability to tell a story as if you are in that story. He’s just too good to be true. And I’ve proven that he’s the best of both worlds.

            He has told me stories about his escapades, relationships and everyday life. How his mother cooks for the whole family, and even how his dog got its name. Everything under the sun has been a topic of our conversations. Politics, current events, showbiz and even things from the past didn’t escape our tags. One of his stories was about how his father died. And he told it in a heartbreaking way. I was so speechless at the course of his story. He was literally crying. Sobbing and trying to hold himself together. He is so fragile in that very moment. And I was left hushing.

            I know that he would forgive me for telling this.

            Their family used to live somewhere in Quezon City. Wynnie, just like I, was a second child. He has an older sister, Shayie and the youngest of them was Santie Lei.

            One of the things that really made him cry was the memory of his father not going home in a week, and leaving all of them without any food to eat and they ended up  having ketchup as their viand. That was when Wynnie is still young. Unfortunately, they’ve discovered that their father was hitting weeds.

            Maybe at the struck of providence, his father realized that he is a head of the family, and he has three children that needs his care and protection. He has been a strict father to all three of them. He was able to move from their home to a better one within Tandang Sora area, and managed to land a good business with friends.  He ended up being responsible father by sending them to a good learning facility in the University Belt, and they all earned their University diplomas.

            One time, way back in November 2005, Wynnie and his father had a heated argument, and at the burst of emotion, they’ve exchanged harsh words and as a result, both egos were hurt. Wynnie tried to stare away from his father, but at the corner of his eyes, he saw his father looking down at him with a sad look on his face. Wynnie was feeding Lance, Shayie’s son who was five years old that time, when they heard a collapse noise from their father’s bedroom upstairs. When he rushed to his father’s bathroom he saw his father lying on the wet floor, naked, having a hard time trying to catch his breath.

            With all his strength, he carried his father to their car, and rushed him to the nearest hospital. He was driving as fast as he could and hitting the horn, honking over and over again. He was cursing every thing that blocks their way. How he cursed the volume of vehicles that day. He can see that his father is really having a hard time to breathe and his tongue turned purple. Wynnie was so afraid, and anxious. But he felt that all of his effort was wasted when the E.R. declared his father to be dead on arrival. Wynnie was crying like a child in the E.R. and no one could stop him until all other members of the family came. His mother embraced him, and was left speechless. All of them were crying.

            After that night at the E.R., Wynnie hasn’t slept for two days. Everyone who gave respect at his father’s wake was so worried about him. And they were all trying to comfort him.

            He was staring at his father laid in the coffin, sobbing and crying. One of his aunties approached him, tried to talk him out. She said, “Be brave, you are now the head of the family, nobody is to blame, you do not need to punish yourself. Your father loves you more than you’ll ever know. He may not be showing it that much but he does thinks about you and your welfare. He was so worried about you and your mom after the first attack happened”. Wynnie answered briefly, “I tried”.

            Wynnie is so detached from the rest of the people around him. In a way, he can’t let go of blaming himself for what happened to his father.

            At the succeeding night of the wake, Wynnie was in a way, composed. He was able to talk to people giving respects to the funeral. One old man, about his father’s age, approached him and told a story about Shayie.

            The old man said: “Your father was a very good friend of mine. There came a time in our younger life when we had an agreement that after your mom gives birth to your older sister, they will be giving her to us…because after eight years of marriage, still, we haven’t been able to have a child of our own. When Shayie came, I understood his refusal to fulfill that agreement. He has been a father, a good father to your Ate Shayie, and to you and Santie Lei. If not, you wouldn’t be able to grow up as strong as you are right now… Believe me; your father loves you more than you’ll ever know. He always has you in his highest priorities.”

            After the knowledge of this agreement about Shayie, Wynnie was so shocked. If that agreement has been fulfilled, He would have been the eldest of the siblings.

            Wynnie was crying as he was telling about this story. I know that after seven years, still it hurts that much. That very memory of his father at the rear view mirror of his car still haunts him up till now. Even the sight of Senator Joker Arroyo, reminds him of his father, because he told me that he looked like him that much. Only time will tell when his wounds will heal, and I’m trying my best, all I can to at least make him happy every time we get to talk with each other. He remains the sweetest friend I ever have.

            He loves his father, I know. And for sure, unconditionally, his father, just like all fathers loves their children more than they’ll ever know. I cannot speak about the feeling of losing a father, for I still have my father.  But the thought of losing mine, hurts me more than I can bear.

           

           

The Ideal Father I Haven't Done Good Enough

“I cannot t think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection,” so said Sigmund Freud, the famous psychologist.  I strictly affirm to this.   Literally.  My father’s protection to our family on top of other else is the one deprived from me from the time of his demise when I was all of eighteen.  Two thirds of my life now was and is spent without a father, but the one third of it with him was enough to bring fond memories in my lifetime.

I grew up in our hometown with a sense of security because I have a father who did not only provide protection to us his family but in whose job was literally to provide protection to the entire citizenry of our small idyllic town.  It was literally so because   he served as the Chief of Police in our hometown and would have took job promotions by serving as the Station Commander to about five or more neighboring towns including our own and another stint as Chief of Police to a bigger and busier municipality next to ours.

My fondest memories of him is one with him standing tall in his police uniform,  handsome, dignified, an officer and a gentleman and people looking up to him with respect.  Being her daughter, I stood tall too for having him as my father.  He had this strict aura and demeanor in him, but when it comes to us his children he turned entirely into a sweet thing. 

He took pride in everything that we did.   I don’t remember an instance that he pushed us to achieve more that what we can offer at any given moment.  Take for instance during my high school, when my other siblings  studying in the same school always brought home academic honors while I did not.  With my obvious academic shortcomings notwithstanding, I did not heard him uttered words that would caused me to be insecure with my other siblings in this area.  What I may lacked in terms of giving him pride from garnering  academic honors, I would make up by taking center stage in oratorical and declamation contests and I could see that these would delight him immensely. 

While oftentimes I would be regarded as a pain in the neck to my mother and siblings for being outspoken, he would take the matter in stride and would allow mom to settle things by her own.

When any one of us his children would be down with illness, he would see to it that  there would be no overtime work for him and he would never compromised us on that aspect.

We lived modestly but comfortably enough.   That would mean that although we may have been sent to good schools and there was always enough good food on the table, we knew quite well there wasn’t enough for luxury and leisure.  However, dad made sure Christmas is one occasion that we would have good memories with.  There was this huge piggy bank at home which he would by the start of the calendar year put coins to everyday such that by the time Christmas came, he would break it which by that time had accumulated enough money already.  He   then used the money to treat us to a holiday in the city.  This he did not   miss from the time he started doing it when we were still small until the time ailment succumbed him.

As I am writing this and tried to reminisce the memories long gone, I could say he was certainly the father any daughter or son would have wanted to have.  Sometime during my youth I would have taken that fact for granted, until a playmate or friend would just suddenly comment  how lucky of me to have a father like him.  See, I never flaunted the kind of close relationship I had with my father and neither my siblings did, yet, it occurred to me that it just showed naturally to elicit a comment from my playmates.

My dad died of a lingering kidney failure.  On his sick bed, he talked to me in whisper if I could offer him one of my kidneys if my older brother’s will not be compatible. 

He did not live long enough to receive it.

More Father's Day Tales

Indeed, during Father’s Day, the usual stuff that I hear children saying is this:   “Happy Father’s Day Dad!  Thank you for all the things that you’ve done for me.  You’re the best Dad, and I love you!”    I can not relate to all these things, since I grew up without a father on my side.   Many special occasions that came into my life without seeing him. Well, I am already used to it. I thought, as long as my mom was beside me.  I am perfectly alright even without his presence.  Even when I got married, I did not see any shadow of him.   So, as what I said, I did not give a damn.  Honestly, I am not really affected on the fact that my father is without by my side.  Since, I have not even seen him ever!  Perhaps, I would be in total pain, if I have got to experience living with him then he suddenly left me and my mom.  Nonetheless, I already feel numb about it. Still, whenever I see children with their dad; I feel something that has been lacking in my life.  

Although, I received a letter from him during my wedding day; but, I did not bother to read it.  But, things changed, when my mother died;    I was longing for my dad; that was the time that I made an effort to call him up in the province where I heard him working. But, I just disappointed to know that he just transferred to another place and no one had any idea where it could be.  And, until now, I have not seen my dad yet. I just wish that he is still alive and doing fine.    Nevertheless, I just feel so blessed by the Lord that I am here in this world because of my unknown dad.  Without him, I could not be where I am right now.  So, wherever you are Dad; Happy Father’s Day to you!  I still owe you my life.  But, I am more grateful to my Mom, because she was the one who did a lot of  sacrifices and  struggles    to be able to  give me    a good education as well as to provide me with unconditional love,  care,  relentless understanding  and  proper guidance as I was growing up. 

On the positive side, there are fathers who really  deserve to be given tribute even  it is not Father’s Day, they are the one who  have been doing their best to raise their children well; as   well as providing them with a quality of life that they deserve to have in this world.  And, I absolutely salute them for doing the great job!  Subsequently, now, that I am already a mother too, I always hear my children saying the same lines to their dad during Father’s Day.   Now, I am happy for my children because they are able to experience the feeling of being loved, cared guided and protected by their own dad.  That, even   during ordinary days, their father always make our children feel that he deserves to be given tribute even it is not “Father’s Day”!  You know, as for the children; love and care from their fathers is the greatest thing that they most wanted to have in this world.  And, I just hope that a lot of fathers out there do the same thing for their children.  Saying “Happy Father’s Day” connotes a deeper meaning to the children than it sounds to be.  It must be associated with total commitment by being responsible father to the children; as well as by nurturing them with love, care and understanding.  Moreover, these are the most essential factors    in showing the children how important they are to the lives of their fathers. With this in mind, I strongly believe that the success and achievement of the children largely depend on the love and quality time that their fathers have spent with them during the times that they needed it most.

As has been noted, there are fathers who really deserve those special greetings; and I would like to take this opportunity to greet them “Happy Father’s Day.” They are the one who really commit themselves to strive harder for the well being of their children.  In the same manner, I would also like to give tribute to my father in law who  in one way or another treat me as his own daughter; and  always makes me feel that I am luckier now than ever!  At this point in time, I could say, that he enables to   do the things that my own father has supposed to do to me and to my kids.  Again, Happy Father’s Day to all fathers out there!