I'll begin this musing with a quote from Hebrews 4:13, "He knows about everyone, everywhere. Everything about is bare and wide open to the all-seeing eyes of our living God; nothing can be hidden from Him to whom we must explain all that we have done."
O di ba? Because of these words, I realized, bakit ko pa itatago ang pagkabading ko? He knows I'm gay. He created me for heaven's sake!! So bakit ko pa itatago? Feeling ko nga, it's just other human beings who want to feel holier than thou who want to tell me that God does not love me, that God does not love gay people. Oh well, shove that up yours because I know He loves me and that He too created gay people to find out if straight people can treat 'abnormal' people' like me as if they they were their own brother. If your idea of heaven excludes certain groups of people JUST BECAUSE of who they are then your idea of heaven may NOT BE God's idea of what heaven really is.
I got that quote from the book of Anne Enright, The Gathering. It is probably the best quote yet I have read from the book. The context behind it is that Ernest, the narrator's brother has just left the priesthood, and has not told their mother yet about it. This is what he says to his sister when she asks why he leaves the priesthood, when he's already old (should be 50-ish already).
And it's a beautiful thing to say - especially to many gay men out there contemplating on coming out or not. It is not easy to live a lie. If you have to - because the society you live in will kill you, literally, if you don't (hello Uganda, Iran, and many other countries), then be sane enough and lead a heterosexual life. Your life is more important even if you have to suffer for it. They will come around, soon! I promise!
However, if you come from a place which is more tolerant (like the Philippines), then go on and live your life and be gay! It's not going to be easy or be a bed of roses either, but at least, you are living the life you want and you are not hurting other people (hello, your wife or your kids!) Also, I've noticed, straight people are more suspicious if you live that double life and would prefer that you be more open to them about your sexuality. Apparently now, more and more people are becoming more tolerant with the gay lifestyle. By living a double life, you also expose yourself to the spectre of AIDS and other STDs from having sex with BOTH men and women (oops, a woman - your poor wife).
So be brave - since you have no other place to live but in your own heart!
