Warning: Do no read this piece if you feel queasy about reading a description of the male body. Otherwise, move on.
I am now designing board shorts, as most of my clients would come to me and say. “Tony, please do board shorts for me so I can use it in Boracay.” Ok, no problem, but inside of me, I would always say, “But why?”. You, a young, virile, supple, obviously very sexy 19-year old model need not hide all “that” in what my mother would wear to a beach. Sadly, the reality is, if my business has to have some sales, I will have to sell myself out on this, BUT, I have to say my piece first on this awful beach wear which has transformed the beaches of Boracay into some kind of Talibanized-beach resort.
I went to Boracay for the first time in 2007 and I discovered this anomaly, rather belatedly. In other non-Americanized beaches of the world, you will see men, real men, in skimpy, very sexy “Speedo-like” swimwear. And it’s such a sight to behold, and it makes the beach experience much more fun, not only for us, but I believe, for women as well, with so much eye candy to see. And so I thought in Boracay, it would be the same way. So there I was, donned in my tightly snug D&G’s, and slightly overweight, but who cares, it’s a beach anyway, and to my dismay, unless you were a foreigner, all the local guys were wearing “basketball shorts” – on the beach!! So why bother to go to Boracay when you get to see NOTHING! The women are fabulous in their sexy swimsuits and two-piece bikinis, but the men, ahhh, total bores. Yes, yes, some have nice chests and shoulders and 6-pack abs, but what do you do with a six-pack abs during sex? Unless there’s a string of hair from the belly button to heaven, what do you do with it, it’s just flat tight skin. I was also shocked when I read in a leading men’s magazine (local), that it was “uncool” to be wearing “Speedo-like” bathing trunks to Boracay. (Do these writer-stylists ever travel so they can find out how “Medieval Ages” they are? Oh yes, they just go to the States. Not to Europe, Australia or Brazil.)
Oh well, I was dismayed that with the invasion of the board shorts on the beach, we, gay men, and lots of beautiful women don’t get to sample anything - no tight asses to check on, no outline to ascertain length and heft, no sexy thighs to see - maybe just some chicken legs protruding from those awfully long shorts. I pity the women. There they are in their total sexiness, enjoying the attention, and what do they get in return from the guys, NADA! I got nada too, so I said, fuck Boracay, even in the beaches in Hong Kong, there’s a lot of eye candy to see, so why bother to lounge here.
I discovered later on that the board shorts look was inspired by Michael Jordan, who wore these really baggy basketball shorts which unfortunately found its way into the beach. Not the fault of the very talented Jordan. He is an icon and people will follow his sense of style - and it was a personal sports “superstition” of his that drove him to do that – a practice which is not uncommon in many superstar athletes. (I-google mo na lang if you want to find out why.) Also, the obesity-zation of America has made it imperative for them to hide what has to be hidden. That’s fine, but why include even those which have the K – (karapatan in Tagalog – no English translation, it’s too nuanced)? But that’s America and the world is not America, unless you are in the Philippines – so there lies my answer.
Anyhow, I will still do a board shorts line to please my handsome clients, but along with it, is a sexy, snug and eye-catching FABE line of swimwear with the mantra for the ladies, “You show me yours, I’ll show you mine, baby”. Don’t be total bores guys, especially on the beautiful beaches of Boracay!
